We grow and expand our capacity when we do things that makes us uncomfortable, but we change because of pain in our lives. Most people don’t like to feel uncomfortable and nobody wants to feel pain (physical or emotional); however, pain generally provides the motivation to put forth the effort and make the decisions necessary to put the process of change into motion. Many of my clients decided to finally start coaching once they passed a certain threshold of pain… like hitting a barrel…. again! Or maybe choking at a rodeo…. again! The emotional pain of failing again pushes them to make a change and do something they’ve never done before, starting the transformation they are seeking. As friends and family, when people are feeling frustrated or upset (pain) as consequences from their habits, we generally try to console them and take away the pain. While our intentions are good because we don’t want someone we care about to be in pain, we are actually reducing the likelihood of them making any changes because we are taking away their motivation. One of the best things we can do for a loved one who is feeling pain because of habits they need to change is to support them by helping them figure out what they can do differently to achieve different results rather than helping them make excuses. Help them use the pain to get the leverage they need to finally do something different. Today, if you or a loved one is feeling pain because of bad choices or habits that need to be changed, help yourself, or them, not by trying to take the pain away, but by using it as motivation to take the action needed to get a different result.
